My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize