i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
