@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
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