he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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