I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
That accounts for only three of the penises
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Randomize
