Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
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