Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
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