yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
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