Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
Randomize
