I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
