totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
Randomize
