piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
awww and there was just a proposal on stage with the pussycat dolls !!!!!
Did someone propose they get off the stage?
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
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