At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
