Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
Randomize
