Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Randomize
