Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
Randomize
