Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
My vagina just clenched in fear
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Randomize
