Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
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