If that was your dad, he is hot
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Randomize
