I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
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