She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
ok first of all what the fuck
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
