Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
Randomize
