if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
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