I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize