I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Randomize
