im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
