he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Randomize
