You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize