You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
In America we eat man semen.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
