She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
Randomize
