You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
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