woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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