Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
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