Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
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