dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
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