If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
