she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
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