I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
Houston, we have a blender
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
Randomize
