@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
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