what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
My legs feel like baby dolphins
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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