We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
