Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
There's always time for handjobs
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
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