She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
