What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Randomize
