I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
