I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Randomize
