Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
Randomize