This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
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