So I think I might still secretly love him despite the ass licking...
Hey ass licking is a very nice and intimate thing! Don't discredit your feelings
But what if he licks everyones ass?
"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
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