why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
