We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
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