just survived the first fart of the relationship.
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
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