There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
She's the barista slut.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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