I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Randomize