So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
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