Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
Randomize
