so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
