There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
