Plan B is the new Plan A
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
Randomize
