gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
Randomize
