Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
Randomize
