The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
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