Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Randomize
