HIV tests are more positive than that guy
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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