U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
