I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
Randomize
