why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
This is classic penis vs brain.
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
Randomize