New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
Randomize
