I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
