I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
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