Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
Randomize
