then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
Randomize
