you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
