He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
Randomize