and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
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