erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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