i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
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