awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
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