The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
Randomize
