After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Randomize
