I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
Randomize
