so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
Randomize
