No awkward lesbian experiences without me
My brain says no but my pants say off.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
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