4 words: hood of his car
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
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