If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
Randomize
