could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
