You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Randomize