i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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