turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
I have surprise drugs for everyone
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Randomize
