he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
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