i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
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